just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
