haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
