Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
