Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
