my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
