small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize