I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
