You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
