i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
