Will you blow on my dice?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
