I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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