Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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