how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
