I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
