Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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