I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
