i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
