He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
