this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize