I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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