You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
