what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
