going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
