she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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