Sry I called you an 8
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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