I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
