would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
