i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up under a house in Key West
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
