I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize