If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
