just come out here and I will go home with you...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
