now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
