Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
