If i could tip my vagina, i would.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
