its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I want her autograph on my taint
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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