Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
