Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize