Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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