FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
