i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
