I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
