Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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