I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
