the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
