Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize