So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
