you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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