At least make sure they are 18
Why
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
