ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
