My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
His nipple licking is glorious
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