of course. lets lasso hookers.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize