Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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