My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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