it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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