So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
