Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
