my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I don't think brook has ever known best
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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