TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
