Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
