On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
