I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
