Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
