God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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