I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
